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”If you win, and you WON’T, I will allow you to do your entire goddy-two-shoes spiel on me.”
”Make it sound good enough, maybe I’ll even convert. I’ll get unconfirmed, demitzvahtized, get it notarized, have some powdered wig shithead to stamp and seal it. Whatever I’m supposed to do.”
”Wow, really?! ” Martin gasped in shock. ”What happens if I lose?”

I look him dead in his eyes. Just real, intense eye contact. He looked a little scared, but, like, in a GOOD way.
YES. There IS a good way.
I say ”WHEN you lose, Martin. I’m going to fuck you.”
he released the quietest, loudest ”pardon?” I had ever heard.

So I clarified: ”When I win this bet, I will take YOUR penis, and insert it into MY vagina. This isn’t rocket science, Martin.”
Because being forward gets you what you want, that’s why!